We don't get a say in who gives birth to us, or in who raises us. But we do get a choice in who we consider our family. My family is undergoing some reevaluations right now, because the people I have adored the most have proven that they don't deserve my love, or my respect. And it has been truly devastating to find that out.
My father and I have had a complicated relationship for my entire life. For the first ten years he was an abusive alcoholic, and for the last eight he has just been abusive. In a way, the alcoholism made it easier to forgive, because you could say that he didn't mean to be abusive, he had no choice in the matter. It wasn't his fault, it was the alcohol. I didn't always understand what was going on, but I knew the drinking had to do with it.
When the drinking stopped, the abuse didn't. There are those who say that verbal abuse isn't as bad as physical abuse, or sexual abuse. But the thing is, the affirmation of worthlessness doesn't hurt any less when it doesn't leave physical scars or reminders. The psychological scarring isn't any less permanent when someone else can't see it. The difference is that with verbal abuse, seeking help isn't considered because it's so insidious to start that you don't notice, you don't realize to out up the guards on your heart and mind so that you won't be hurt.
It's less visible, not less meaningful.
I am looking for those who help me recover. I have a wonderful support system of aunts and grandparents, an incredibly lovely 'college mom', a stellar boyfriend/best friend a caring mom, and epic friends. I have my own family, that I made myself. And this doesn't need to include people who continually hurt me, who don't acknowledge my successes, instead only putting me down for perceived failures.
I am more, and I deserve more. And I can have what I deserve, with the family I choose.
My father and I have had a complicated relationship for my entire life. For the first ten years he was an abusive alcoholic, and for the last eight he has just been abusive. In a way, the alcoholism made it easier to forgive, because you could say that he didn't mean to be abusive, he had no choice in the matter. It wasn't his fault, it was the alcohol. I didn't always understand what was going on, but I knew the drinking had to do with it.
When the drinking stopped, the abuse didn't. There are those who say that verbal abuse isn't as bad as physical abuse, or sexual abuse. But the thing is, the affirmation of worthlessness doesn't hurt any less when it doesn't leave physical scars or reminders. The psychological scarring isn't any less permanent when someone else can't see it. The difference is that with verbal abuse, seeking help isn't considered because it's so insidious to start that you don't notice, you don't realize to out up the guards on your heart and mind so that you won't be hurt.
It's less visible, not less meaningful.
I am looking for those who help me recover. I have a wonderful support system of aunts and grandparents, an incredibly lovely 'college mom', a stellar boyfriend/best friend a caring mom, and epic friends. I have my own family, that I made myself. And this doesn't need to include people who continually hurt me, who don't acknowledge my successes, instead only putting me down for perceived failures.
I am more, and I deserve more. And I can have what I deserve, with the family I choose.